Side note: the word pyramid is in reference to my childhood home. By this time in the book that would have been made clear. 
It’s my mission today, November 3, 2010, to finish watching the movie I started in 1984: The Incredible Melting Man.
In 1977, the same year I was born, there were ramblings in the press regarding an epic motion picture releasing in America that summer. It purported to be the movie everyone was waiting for. Funny how, even though I started watching it in 1984 when I was seven, I had to wait even longer—26 years later to be exact—to finish it. The problem with the movie’s release was 1977 was also the year another unknown movie was pending release: Star Wars. Sadly, for the melting man, Star Wars eclipsed all anticipation of his arrival to earth. More on that in a moment.
So what happened to the promises of epic proportions? Unbeknownst to the world, it was truly epic in the Young household. So epic we couldn’t finish it! Not wouldn’t, couldn’t. Here’s why; it may not be why you think.
Just another day in the pyramid, and the boys took their usual places on the dark living room couch and armchair. Dad had brought home some videos and he popped one into the VCR. Our first color sixteen by sixteen inch tube blared “DON DON DON DON DON!!” and the title The Incredible Melting Man announced his impending arrival across the screen into our living room. My heart shook as I looked at Matthew and Junior next to me on the couch. Dad sat in his armchair, arms rested comfortably without interruption.
Realizing I was the only one exhibiting signs of fear, I straightened out, stiff, projecting the image of one unaffected by a space man’s intrusion. Astronaut captain and crew were on mission in outer space and fast approaching the rings of Saturn. Saturn is an extremely hot planet, in case you didn’t know. I didn’t at the time, so I just assumed it was the Sun.
For whatever reason they couldn’t divert course, and over the microphone space command could do nothing to assist. The flashing lights on the space ship console was out of batteries or something. I don’t know, that’s just what I thought. “We’re out of batteries, Houston! We’re out of batteries!”
Soon, everybody’s faces began so sag. They sagged lower and lower. Their faces soon looked like pizza, like the face of the unsightly character Pizza-the-Hut (a spoof of the Star Wars character Jabba-the-Hut) from the movie Spaceballs. Not a movie I recommend, by the way.
The ship somehow diverted course before crashing into Saturn and crash landed instead on earth in a wooded rural town. Astronaut Steve West was the only miraculous survivor, waking up in the hospital with bandages on his hands and face. He was beside himself. He managed to stand and discovered the bandages, then, in his jangly walk, found a mirror in his room. He ripped the bandages off his hands and went to work on the one around his face.
The sight disgusted him, and me. “DON DON DON DON DON!!” Our tube blared again. At that moment, a burly nurse entered the room to discover her patient before the mirror. When he turned she screamed at his unsightly complexion and wraithlike phalanges. He was a walking nightmare, far as she was concerned. Her continued screams were faint behind her. She had run out of the room, and the incredible melting man was after her, and me.
And this is when things turned epic. Quite suddenly, as they ran through the echo-laden hospital hall, smoke rose from the back of our tube like the pillar of cloud that led the Israelites through the wilderness. In a poof the tube blanketed to gray and the room smelled of burning parts. We were in shock and awe. I jumped from the couch and looked over at the boys and said in my tiny Pinocchio-like voice, “The incredible melting man melted our TV!!”
My brothers had lost it by now, clutching their stomachs from the cramps created by their voracious laughter. Dad rocked off his armchair, grunting, and cussed a storm at the melting man. Epic, yes? America didn’t know. They were too busy watching Star Wars. Which is probably a good thing because there would have been many television sets lost to the hand of “DON DON DON!! The Incredible Melting Man!“
Tonight I plan on finally finishing the movie, twenty-six years later. Here’s to hoping my iMac doesn’t melt. I hear they’re pretty solid.
That story is totally hilarious! I was literally LOL!
Keep it up, you are a very good writer!
Thank you Jennie! And so sorry I’ve taken so long to reply. I have made some recent necessary changes to this portion of the memoir, for the better I think, as well as many additions. Would you be open to receiving an email from me with a link to the more current work? I could use some very honest feedback. Please let me know. Thanks.
Tony